Bringing Home Charlie Brown

I have a love hate relationship with Christmas cards. I love seeing how everyone's family has grown and changed. The bright smiling faces, pictures from the year that has passed, great memories that they love to share, beautiful smiles, happy families. And then there is the deep sadness that hits me every time I open a card.  You see we have none of those joyous children to show. Our kids haven't made lots of memories with us this past year.  We don't have loads of fabulous family memories to share.  We have loss, deep deep loss.  We have a year of grief, we have pain.  Don't get me wrong, we aren't living in some deep dark hole, but we have walked through some pretty dark days. This past year has been one of growth and change. We have made through a period of time that I could not even fathom passing. People always think they can't make it through something until they have no other choice. You don't know how you are going to make it, you just do. It...

It has been a year since we said good-bye to our son. He is doing well and is very happy in his home. We are coming along with the healing process. It's been a long year and then again it seems impossible that a year has passed so quickly.  We have had so many changes in our life that I can't keep track of all of them.  Just recently I have come across a song that I have fallen in love with. And yet, as much as I love this song I hate the message. It's one that is hard for me to swallow, and one that I don't want to believe in. In many ways it expresses my feelings about this situation perfectly. I have dealt with a lot of anger this year and am in no way on the other side of that. However I am starting to be at the point where I can compartmentalize my anger over the situation and move on to a relationship with other areas of my faith. I can't begin to explain that to you, perhaps someday I will understand it myself. While I have had many small understandings abou...

I discovered the Swiffer Refill hack and got SUPER excited. Instead of spending $7 per refill bottle I can now add some lysol and water and still use the convenience of my Swiffer! I think I shocked Tony by how excited I was. (He really didn't see the fascination at first. ) Here's the deal, it's become almost like a game to find ways to save money. We've opened up a new savings account to make sure that all of our saved funds are going directly to our adoption expenses. With fundraising, savings, and donations, we realized early on it was important to keep those funds separate from our other "daily life" funds. The other nice thing that this has done is give us a bit of a "reward" when we say "no." What do I mean? Well let me explain. Tony and I have made a commitment to save everything we possibly can so that our adoption fees can be raised sooner. When we say no to something we want or would normally buy, we transfer that money into ...

We are so excited to partner with the company Threads of Hope. This company is a non-for-profit company that helps adoptive families raise money for their adoptions while also helping orphans in third world countries. It's a WIN-WIN! There are so many amazing things about this company. 1. They charge us NOTHING upfront to run this fundraiser. They send us all of the bracelets, necklaces, lanyards, and supplies for free! This is amazing because it means that we lose no money for our fund while we run this fundraiser. 2. We keep 50% of all money made. 3. The other 50% goes directly to orphans and at risk families in third world countries through fair trade. These bracelets, necklaces, and lanyards are bright, colorful, and handmade. They are also cheap! The average cost is $2-$4 per item. The company also offers you a deal if you purchase multiple pieces, how cool is that? We have several AWESOME ladies who will be partnering with us to sell these items. Our goal is to sell 2,00...

Time. Time is a funning thing. There is never enough, we always need more, it passes by quickly, it passes by slowly, it never seems to move, and yet it is gone. That is what time is. It never stops, never changes, never speeds up or slows down. Before you know it time has passed.  They say you will never know when you are ready for something until you are ready. I used to think that we would never be ready to bring another child into our home. I would never want to "replace" our son. Through this grief process and grief therapy we have learned that it is simply impossible to do that. It was through this realization that Tony and I realized we would be okay starting again. This does not mean that we are "over" losing our son, that we are healed from the process. This is not true, in fact yesterday I was in the state capitol and passed the head DCFS office and another teacher friend had to hold me back and pull me forward. Grief is a long process, on average two ye...