Love Hate Relationship
I have a love hate relationship with Christmas cards. I love seeing how everyone's family has grown and changed. The bright smiling faces, pictures from the year that has passed, great memories that they love to share, beautiful smiles, happy families. And then there is the deep sadness that hits me every time I open a card.
You see we have none of those joyous children to show. Our kids haven't made lots of memories with us this past year.
We don't have loads of fabulous family memories to share.
We have loss, deep deep loss.
We have a year of grief, we have pain.
Don't get me wrong, we aren't living in some deep dark hole, but we have walked through some pretty dark days. This past year has been one of growth and change. We have made through a period of time that I could not even fathom passing. People always think they can't make it through something until they have no other choice. You don't know how you are going to make it, you just do. It's one of those "day by day," sometimes "moment by moment" situations. You can't stop living so you continue to live.
While this year hasn't been all bad it hasn't been anything Christmas card worthy either. Now don't get me wrong my husband and I could take a pretty slammin' Christmas picture, put it on a card, and send it out, but, who wants that? I know, I know, plenty of you would accept it and put it up on your Christmas card collage, but there would be something missing.
There will always be something missing. Anyone who has lost a child knows the depth of this truth. While life goes on, families grow and change, and we continue to age, part of our life will always be missing. It is not a woe is me, feel sorry for me, pity party, it is a simple fact of life. Grief and loss are part of this life we live. The intensity of the pain changes, the way the pain works in our life changes, but the loss is always there.
Eventually I hope there will be children in our Christmas picture. Eventually we hope to have children to fill our days with happy memories. Someday we will have a happy Christmas card. However that day is not today, that year is not this year, and that time is not this time.
I'm sure many will read this and think, oh, don't send that Scrooge a Christmas card, or, oh no, I didn't mean to cause pain. No, that isn't the point. I have every Christmas card we have gotten hanging in our dining room. I do love seeing the happy families and how the kids have grown.
I guess maybe my point is to let people know that we have to be sensitive in so many things. While you may not know how to deal with your friends that have gone through or are going through loss, you can know that weird things trip us up. Be open to the possibility that not everyone is overly joyous during these holidays, not everyone has happy memories, and not everyone has the ability to be upbeat during this time. Be sensitive. Be kind. Be patient with us, we are healing.
You see we have none of those joyous children to show. Our kids haven't made lots of memories with us this past year.
We don't have loads of fabulous family memories to share.
We have loss, deep deep loss.
We have a year of grief, we have pain.
Don't get me wrong, we aren't living in some deep dark hole, but we have walked through some pretty dark days. This past year has been one of growth and change. We have made through a period of time that I could not even fathom passing. People always think they can't make it through something until they have no other choice. You don't know how you are going to make it, you just do. It's one of those "day by day," sometimes "moment by moment" situations. You can't stop living so you continue to live.
While this year hasn't been all bad it hasn't been anything Christmas card worthy either. Now don't get me wrong my husband and I could take a pretty slammin' Christmas picture, put it on a card, and send it out, but, who wants that? I know, I know, plenty of you would accept it and put it up on your Christmas card collage, but there would be something missing.
There will always be something missing. Anyone who has lost a child knows the depth of this truth. While life goes on, families grow and change, and we continue to age, part of our life will always be missing. It is not a woe is me, feel sorry for me, pity party, it is a simple fact of life. Grief and loss are part of this life we live. The intensity of the pain changes, the way the pain works in our life changes, but the loss is always there.
Eventually I hope there will be children in our Christmas picture. Eventually we hope to have children to fill our days with happy memories. Someday we will have a happy Christmas card. However that day is not today, that year is not this year, and that time is not this time.
I'm sure many will read this and think, oh, don't send that Scrooge a Christmas card, or, oh no, I didn't mean to cause pain. No, that isn't the point. I have every Christmas card we have gotten hanging in our dining room. I do love seeing the happy families and how the kids have grown.
I guess maybe my point is to let people know that we have to be sensitive in so many things. While you may not know how to deal with your friends that have gone through or are going through loss, you can know that weird things trip us up. Be open to the possibility that not everyone is overly joyous during these holidays, not everyone has happy memories, and not everyone has the ability to be upbeat during this time. Be sensitive. Be kind. Be patient with us, we are healing.
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