Love, love, love
One thing about life is that it is constantly changing. While change is something that I never look forward to, it is something I can not stop from happening, Sometimes the results of change are painful, yet bring about beautiful things.
One of the comments I have heard a lot lately is that my husband and I are so good together, so close, so in love, so cute. Yes, yes we are. BUT, have we always been this way? No. Has life been horrible to us, yes.
My response when people ask "how" we do it, is always the same. You can't go through what we have been through, survive it, and not become ultra close. There are two options, you become inseparable, or you break apart. Going through infertility, four solid years of fostering, being told we would be able to adopt our son, losing our son, and now in the process of adoption, has forced us to become resilient and reliant on each other.
I always say that one of the things that helped us the most during this time was going to therapy. **Gasp** Yes, therapy. Do it!
Our grief was so big, our trauma so overwhelming, our life shattered to pieces, there was no light, no hope, no peace, no joy, for months. There was only survival. Therapy was this reprieve in our week where we could say anything we wanted and be completely understood. There were sessions I sat and cried for the entire hour and Tony spoke through it all. There were sessions that I honestly don't remember what I said, because, let's face it, grief is a monster. There were times I went in and said, I'm so angry at EVERYONE, and Tony felt the same way. Anger doesn't bode well for marriage, even if the anger you are feeling has nothing to do with your spouse. We had to learn to live again. We had to learn how to communicate our grief, loss, anger, sadness, and desperation in a way that included the other person instead of excluded them. We would not have survived without therapy, that is something I am 100% sure of.
Now? Now we still have rough days, stupid disagreements, and small arguments. Fights? Those are a rarity in our house. Is it because we are these marriage experts and are so incredibly perfect at marriage? Nope. Do we still annoy the heck out of each other on the daily? Yup! But, two people who have been to the gates of hell and back together, get over those petty things pretty quickly. Not that we never let our emotions get the best of us, (ha, if you know me you know I am super passionate, emotions are my first responders!) but instead, we frame everything we say, do, and think about each other in love, love, love.
I can't imagine my life without my husband. When other people talk about divorce it saddens me to my very core. I can't imagine losing part of yourself and finding your way with half of your life gone. Traumatic. We love helping other people experience fun and love with their spouse. We feel that the more fun couples experience together, the closer they become. Shared experiences help deepen the bonds of marriage, and yet, fun is often the last thing people think about once life gets tough.
For us, we know we have more change on the horizon, after all, life is constant change, but I never fear that we won't make it. In fact that never crosses my mind. When two people who have been through as much as we have decide to do stay together, there is nothing, we cannot accomplish.
One of the comments I have heard a lot lately is that my husband and I are so good together, so close, so in love, so cute. Yes, yes we are. BUT, have we always been this way? No. Has life been horrible to us, yes.
My response when people ask "how" we do it, is always the same. You can't go through what we have been through, survive it, and not become ultra close. There are two options, you become inseparable, or you break apart. Going through infertility, four solid years of fostering, being told we would be able to adopt our son, losing our son, and now in the process of adoption, has forced us to become resilient and reliant on each other.
I always say that one of the things that helped us the most during this time was going to therapy. **Gasp** Yes, therapy. Do it!
Our grief was so big, our trauma so overwhelming, our life shattered to pieces, there was no light, no hope, no peace, no joy, for months. There was only survival. Therapy was this reprieve in our week where we could say anything we wanted and be completely understood. There were sessions I sat and cried for the entire hour and Tony spoke through it all. There were sessions that I honestly don't remember what I said, because, let's face it, grief is a monster. There were times I went in and said, I'm so angry at EVERYONE, and Tony felt the same way. Anger doesn't bode well for marriage, even if the anger you are feeling has nothing to do with your spouse. We had to learn to live again. We had to learn how to communicate our grief, loss, anger, sadness, and desperation in a way that included the other person instead of excluded them. We would not have survived without therapy, that is something I am 100% sure of.
Now? Now we still have rough days, stupid disagreements, and small arguments. Fights? Those are a rarity in our house. Is it because we are these marriage experts and are so incredibly perfect at marriage? Nope. Do we still annoy the heck out of each other on the daily? Yup! But, two people who have been to the gates of hell and back together, get over those petty things pretty quickly. Not that we never let our emotions get the best of us, (ha, if you know me you know I am super passionate, emotions are my first responders!) but instead, we frame everything we say, do, and think about each other in love, love, love.
I can't imagine my life without my husband. When other people talk about divorce it saddens me to my very core. I can't imagine losing part of yourself and finding your way with half of your life gone. Traumatic. We love helping other people experience fun and love with their spouse. We feel that the more fun couples experience together, the closer they become. Shared experiences help deepen the bonds of marriage, and yet, fun is often the last thing people think about once life gets tough.
For us, we know we have more change on the horizon, after all, life is constant change, but I never fear that we won't make it. In fact that never crosses my mind. When two people who have been through as much as we have decide to do stay together, there is nothing, we cannot accomplish.
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