Day to Day in the Life of a Hopeful Adoptive Parent
It's funny, there are times in our adoption process where I am so busy with adoption related tasks that I feel I have zero time for anything else. Yet there are other times where I feel like there is nothing I am doing that is furthering our adoption plan. It's not that I get lazy or burned out, it's just the way the adoption process goes.
In the weeks leading up to "going live" with Lifetime there was SO much to do. Home-study paperwork, profiles to be created, websites to be made, questionnaires to be filled out, and nothing was a one step process. Many things took several tries of being submitted, rejected, fixed, submitted again and then continuing this cycle until finally accepted. However, once everything is "live" most of the "work" for us is done. There is just a lot of waiting... When our profiles get low we have to print more, hole punch them, and then make them look fancy with ribbon, which takes a decent amount of time, but overall it's a quick process compared to the rest of it. Most of the time we have little work to do for our adoption, which for me at least, makes the waiting worse.
When we have tasks to complete it makes us feel as if we are tangibly doing something to make our adoption happen faster. This truly isn't the case, because completing a checklist does not guarantee a successful adoption, yet it gives my hands and mind something to focus on. Not being in control of when and how something will happen creates a feeling of powerlessness that no one likes to experience, however, there is nothing that can be done about this.
Listening to trainings, working on personal development, creating an atmosphere for baby at home are all great things to do during the wait, but they do not speed up the wait process at all. They simply help pass the time.
So what is it we do day to day?
Tony and I both work a lot. Being a special education teacher comes with a lot of paperwork and a whole lot of stress. Managing a lumber yard during construction season means pretty much spending every waking moment at work until the winter comes.
I completed an entire master's degree program during our wait time. Now being an ASD Specialist, I have all kinds of knowledge on how to work with kids who have been diagnosed with a spectrum disorder. It also helped me understand the learning processes of special children better, and got me a raise, woo hoo!
I've de-cluttered our house, A LOT! I'm so intrigued with this idea of minimalism and that less clutter causes less stress and anxiety, that I have started weeding out a ton of our belongings. It is amazing to me how much cleaner our house stays where there is less to clutter it up. I'm hopeful that once a baby does enter our lives and our home that our stress level will be able to stay low by creating a clean and inviting space that is not home to unnecessary junk.
We go out and have fun. As weird as it may seem, having fun allows us to also have hope that our future will look like everything we are desiring it to be. Going out with friends allows us to strengthen relationships that we cherish so deeply and have been so vital to our success in life thus far. We also love spending time together strengthening our own relationship and building a stronger bond to weather any storm that may come our way.
We binge watch TV. Which is something we are well aware we wont' be able to do post baby. We LOVE watching This Is Us, Handmaid's Tale, FRIENDS, The Magicians, and more! Tony and I each have others we watch on our own as well. Don't judge. ;)
We read. This summer I was finishing a book every 24 hours. Tony also loves to read and enjoys reading fiction books. Our library now has a program where we can "borrow" ebooks which makes accessing books so much easier for us. We have also had several speakers come to our church and have purcahsed their books as well. We love having things to talk about as well as material that helps us grow and change our thinking on current issues.
We dream. Tony and I talk about the future on a weekly sometimes daily basis. Things that we would like to do, jobs we want to have, goals we would like to attain, changes we would like to make, places we would like to go, and more. Dreaming is part of life, it allows us to move toward a future that we both agree on and desire to have.
We live. What is it like living in the day to day of a hopeful adoptive parent? Mostly, it's not too different from any adult's life, but for us, it's living every day hoping that today would be the day our life changes forever. Maybe even today we would get a call that would tell us the baby meant for our family has finally been found!
Much love,
Felicia
In the weeks leading up to "going live" with Lifetime there was SO much to do. Home-study paperwork, profiles to be created, websites to be made, questionnaires to be filled out, and nothing was a one step process. Many things took several tries of being submitted, rejected, fixed, submitted again and then continuing this cycle until finally accepted. However, once everything is "live" most of the "work" for us is done. There is just a lot of waiting... When our profiles get low we have to print more, hole punch them, and then make them look fancy with ribbon, which takes a decent amount of time, but overall it's a quick process compared to the rest of it. Most of the time we have little work to do for our adoption, which for me at least, makes the waiting worse.
When we have tasks to complete it makes us feel as if we are tangibly doing something to make our adoption happen faster. This truly isn't the case, because completing a checklist does not guarantee a successful adoption, yet it gives my hands and mind something to focus on. Not being in control of when and how something will happen creates a feeling of powerlessness that no one likes to experience, however, there is nothing that can be done about this.
Listening to trainings, working on personal development, creating an atmosphere for baby at home are all great things to do during the wait, but they do not speed up the wait process at all. They simply help pass the time.
So what is it we do day to day?
Tony and I both work a lot. Being a special education teacher comes with a lot of paperwork and a whole lot of stress. Managing a lumber yard during construction season means pretty much spending every waking moment at work until the winter comes.
I completed an entire master's degree program during our wait time. Now being an ASD Specialist, I have all kinds of knowledge on how to work with kids who have been diagnosed with a spectrum disorder. It also helped me understand the learning processes of special children better, and got me a raise, woo hoo!
I've de-cluttered our house, A LOT! I'm so intrigued with this idea of minimalism and that less clutter causes less stress and anxiety, that I have started weeding out a ton of our belongings. It is amazing to me how much cleaner our house stays where there is less to clutter it up. I'm hopeful that once a baby does enter our lives and our home that our stress level will be able to stay low by creating a clean and inviting space that is not home to unnecessary junk.
We go out and have fun. As weird as it may seem, having fun allows us to also have hope that our future will look like everything we are desiring it to be. Going out with friends allows us to strengthen relationships that we cherish so deeply and have been so vital to our success in life thus far. We also love spending time together strengthening our own relationship and building a stronger bond to weather any storm that may come our way.
We binge watch TV. Which is something we are well aware we wont' be able to do post baby. We LOVE watching This Is Us, Handmaid's Tale, FRIENDS, The Magicians, and more! Tony and I each have others we watch on our own as well. Don't judge. ;)
We read. This summer I was finishing a book every 24 hours. Tony also loves to read and enjoys reading fiction books. Our library now has a program where we can "borrow" ebooks which makes accessing books so much easier for us. We have also had several speakers come to our church and have purcahsed their books as well. We love having things to talk about as well as material that helps us grow and change our thinking on current issues.
We dream. Tony and I talk about the future on a weekly sometimes daily basis. Things that we would like to do, jobs we want to have, goals we would like to attain, changes we would like to make, places we would like to go, and more. Dreaming is part of life, it allows us to move toward a future that we both agree on and desire to have.
We live. What is it like living in the day to day of a hopeful adoptive parent? Mostly, it's not too different from any adult's life, but for us, it's living every day hoping that today would be the day our life changes forever. Maybe even today we would get a call that would tell us the baby meant for our family has finally been found!
Much love,
Felicia
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