The life we've chosen to live
In all the busyness of our lives sometimes I forget exactly how we got here. Here to this whole foster care thing... I also seem to forget that not everyone deals with what we deal with. Quite honestly I think that I will feel a little lost when we have no more agency involvement in our lives, whenever that may be. It's odd to me that not everyone has monthly home visits, not everyone has to schedule in bio-parent visits, or sibling visits. Not everyone is waiting on the "next court date" like we are. How can I think that everyone lives like this? It's quite simple really, I'm very wrapped up in our own lives. Not in a I think we are the center of everyone's universe kind of way. But in the we have a LOT to get done each week kind of way. I think every mom is insanely busy. Like can't see straight busy. Mom's have too much to do every week. Yet they get it all done and keep going. Whether they stay at home and work or go somewhere else and work. Mom's work!
I'm fairly new to the mom scene. My version of mommy-hood is vastly different from those around me. But never once have I considered what I do to be "less" than a mom. Someone asked me the other day, if I consider myself a "mom"and I almost fell over. Am I less than a mom because I didn't give birth to these children? Heck no. My introduction to motherhood may be unusual, but what I do is nothing less than the "normal" mother. I think when people don't understand your situation they tend to try and make up what they think your life is like. Trust me, this whole foster care thing, is not easy. But it is very worth it. Like I said, in the middle of our chaotic lives I forget that this isn't everyone's normal. Which is why weird questions tend to throw me for a loop. My initial reaction is usually one of offense, but I've learned to take a breath first and filter my answer before it spills out of my mouth. Most people are just curious. They don't understand why we do what we do let alone HOW we do it all.
That question got me thinking, which can often be an interesting thing for me to do. How exactly did I end up here. Nowhere in my 5 or 10 year plan in college did "foster parent" come into play. Parent did, but this was NEVER on my radar. The short, simple, and sweet answer is that God put us here. Which I truly believe He did. I wouldn't have chosen this life for myself, ever. In fact one time someone said to us, "You're foster parents? But you are NICE people." As if the only people crazy enough to do this foster care thing were weird, mean, money-hungry people. As if foster kids don't deserve "nice" homes. My whole world has changed. The things I care about most deeply in my soul have changed. These "social issues" weren't even on my radar when I was planning my life goals. My dream career path was much different then than it is now. I honestly don't know what my next 5 or 10 year plan looks like. I do know however that it will be NOTHING like I can imagine it or plan it to be.
This life that we are living is so different from what most people would call ideal. Those people would be correct! But man, what we would be missing if we were living our "ideal" lives. I'm not saying that what we do is super rewarding, or gives us so much purpose in our lives. I'm not saying that this life is "better" than the lives of those around us. Most of the time I want to QUIT right now, and make it ALL go AWAY! However in those moments I hear "Won't you just trust me?" "Don't you know that I have put you HERE in THIS life for a specific reason. Don't you know that I am WITH you in this? Don't you realize that I have chosen THESE children specifically for you?" It's in those moments, that I realize that we have chosen the "right life" to live at this time. I still have paralyzing anxiety about the future of my children at LEAST once a day. I guess that goes to show that I have a lot of growing to do in trusting my God. I have felt so alone and forgotten in this journey more than once. However God always places someone in our lives to remind me that I am not alone, that He has NOT forgotten us. I wish I didn't need all of those reminders, but I do.
I've been told in so many sermons that following God's call isn't easy. They're right. But as many times as you hear it, and as much as you know it's true, it's still really really really hard when you are in the middle of it. I guess if we know it's hard and we still feel like this is where we are supposed to be, then we can know that we are living in the middle of God's will for our lives.
I was driving home from a bio-parent visit the other day and a random weird thought struck me. If Tony and I had had biological children we would have NEVER pursued this foster care journey. We would have never loved these children the way we do and impacted the people in this system the way we have impacted them. For those of you reading this that have gone through infertility or are going through infertility currently PLEASE do not misread or misunderstand me. I am NOT saying that God did not WANT us to have biological children, and I am not saying that God prevented us from having biological children. God doesn't work that way. ( I could write a whole blog post on that as well.)What I am saying is that there is a bigger plan at work here and God can and will take a horribly breaking disappointing situation and use it to better His kingdom in His time. I still have an incredible amount of pain, grief, and sensitivity over the issues of infertility that we went through, however I know that I am here in this time in this space for a specific reason. I hope that whatever you are going through you too can realize that God has never left you, He hasn't deserted you, and He has placed you right here, for right now, for a very specific purpose. He knows the reasons, we have yet to discover them all!
God Bless!
I'm fairly new to the mom scene. My version of mommy-hood is vastly different from those around me. But never once have I considered what I do to be "less" than a mom. Someone asked me the other day, if I consider myself a "mom"and I almost fell over. Am I less than a mom because I didn't give birth to these children? Heck no. My introduction to motherhood may be unusual, but what I do is nothing less than the "normal" mother. I think when people don't understand your situation they tend to try and make up what they think your life is like. Trust me, this whole foster care thing, is not easy. But it is very worth it. Like I said, in the middle of our chaotic lives I forget that this isn't everyone's normal. Which is why weird questions tend to throw me for a loop. My initial reaction is usually one of offense, but I've learned to take a breath first and filter my answer before it spills out of my mouth. Most people are just curious. They don't understand why we do what we do let alone HOW we do it all.
That question got me thinking, which can often be an interesting thing for me to do. How exactly did I end up here. Nowhere in my 5 or 10 year plan in college did "foster parent" come into play. Parent did, but this was NEVER on my radar. The short, simple, and sweet answer is that God put us here. Which I truly believe He did. I wouldn't have chosen this life for myself, ever. In fact one time someone said to us, "You're foster parents? But you are NICE people." As if the only people crazy enough to do this foster care thing were weird, mean, money-hungry people. As if foster kids don't deserve "nice" homes. My whole world has changed. The things I care about most deeply in my soul have changed. These "social issues" weren't even on my radar when I was planning my life goals. My dream career path was much different then than it is now. I honestly don't know what my next 5 or 10 year plan looks like. I do know however that it will be NOTHING like I can imagine it or plan it to be.
This life that we are living is so different from what most people would call ideal. Those people would be correct! But man, what we would be missing if we were living our "ideal" lives. I'm not saying that what we do is super rewarding, or gives us so much purpose in our lives. I'm not saying that this life is "better" than the lives of those around us. Most of the time I want to QUIT right now, and make it ALL go AWAY! However in those moments I hear "Won't you just trust me?" "Don't you know that I have put you HERE in THIS life for a specific reason. Don't you know that I am WITH you in this? Don't you realize that I have chosen THESE children specifically for you?" It's in those moments, that I realize that we have chosen the "right life" to live at this time. I still have paralyzing anxiety about the future of my children at LEAST once a day. I guess that goes to show that I have a lot of growing to do in trusting my God. I have felt so alone and forgotten in this journey more than once. However God always places someone in our lives to remind me that I am not alone, that He has NOT forgotten us. I wish I didn't need all of those reminders, but I do.
I've been told in so many sermons that following God's call isn't easy. They're right. But as many times as you hear it, and as much as you know it's true, it's still really really really hard when you are in the middle of it. I guess if we know it's hard and we still feel like this is where we are supposed to be, then we can know that we are living in the middle of God's will for our lives.
I was driving home from a bio-parent visit the other day and a random weird thought struck me. If Tony and I had had biological children we would have NEVER pursued this foster care journey. We would have never loved these children the way we do and impacted the people in this system the way we have impacted them. For those of you reading this that have gone through infertility or are going through infertility currently PLEASE do not misread or misunderstand me. I am NOT saying that God did not WANT us to have biological children, and I am not saying that God prevented us from having biological children. God doesn't work that way. ( I could write a whole blog post on that as well.)What I am saying is that there is a bigger plan at work here and God can and will take a horribly breaking disappointing situation and use it to better His kingdom in His time. I still have an incredible amount of pain, grief, and sensitivity over the issues of infertility that we went through, however I know that I am here in this time in this space for a specific reason. I hope that whatever you are going through you too can realize that God has never left you, He hasn't deserted you, and He has placed you right here, for right now, for a very specific purpose. He knows the reasons, we have yet to discover them all!
God Bless!
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