Understanding broken people
I said to someone the other day that I often feel that the students who are the most broken and who need the most help are the ones who I seem to find and connect with the most. It's almost as if I put out some type of invisible radar that says, "Hey, if you need lots of love, if you have had lots of trauma in your life, if you need someone to make you feel safe and loved, come find me, we'll be pals."
But maybe, there is some invisible force that pulls us together. I have always had a heart for those kids who are "disenfranchised," but after experiencing some trauma of my own, it seems as if more and more of them pop out of the woodwork. Maybe I have this innate ability now to see the hurt past the facade of smiles and nods. Maybe it's that I am pulled to them by some inexplicable energy or force that tells me they need me. Maybe, it's that they feel safe enough in my presence to share their life hurts. Maybe it's because I care more about being present than I do about completing a to do list. Don't get me wrong, I love a good list. In fact I crave order, stability, and getting things accomplished, but somewhere in there, the list falls away and what remains is the desire to connect with kids and let them know they are cared for and loved.
While I do not claim to be an expert on trauma, and certainly not how to heal it, I do feel like I am more sensitive to it. Not that I feel other teachers aren't sensitive or aren't aware, but I do feel that those who have experienced loss and trauma relate to others with it differently. You can't fully understand something you have never experienced. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I would not wish what we have gone through on anyone, but having been through it, I must acknowledge that it has changed me. It has made me different and shaped how I now view the world. If there "has" to be a silver lining or some type of "good" that has come out of this, then it would be that I am more able to connect with those in our world who are hurting. Though I cannot heal all of their hearts I can be a bridge to brighter days for them, and that, is a wonderful gift to have.
But maybe, there is some invisible force that pulls us together. I have always had a heart for those kids who are "disenfranchised," but after experiencing some trauma of my own, it seems as if more and more of them pop out of the woodwork. Maybe I have this innate ability now to see the hurt past the facade of smiles and nods. Maybe it's that I am pulled to them by some inexplicable energy or force that tells me they need me. Maybe, it's that they feel safe enough in my presence to share their life hurts. Maybe it's because I care more about being present than I do about completing a to do list. Don't get me wrong, I love a good list. In fact I crave order, stability, and getting things accomplished, but somewhere in there, the list falls away and what remains is the desire to connect with kids and let them know they are cared for and loved.
While I do not claim to be an expert on trauma, and certainly not how to heal it, I do feel like I am more sensitive to it. Not that I feel other teachers aren't sensitive or aren't aware, but I do feel that those who have experienced loss and trauma relate to others with it differently. You can't fully understand something you have never experienced. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I would not wish what we have gone through on anyone, but having been through it, I must acknowledge that it has changed me. It has made me different and shaped how I now view the world. If there "has" to be a silver lining or some type of "good" that has come out of this, then it would be that I am more able to connect with those in our world who are hurting. Though I cannot heal all of their hearts I can be a bridge to brighter days for them, and that, is a wonderful gift to have.
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