Where we are now
These last five weeks have been nothing but a blur in our minds. So much has happened, changed, and changed again. As with the coming of any newborn our house has been completely shaken upside down. Our lives have forever changed, and with that change comes many different emotions. Happy, blessed, excited, scared, exhausted, worried, nervous, hopeful, and a vast range of others as well.
The thing with our journey is that it is so unlike anyone's around us. Many of our friends have children, some have even adopted, but few have adopted from or participated in foster care. Even when you have people around you who have gone this route, you still feel extremely alone. Don't get me wrong, we have had a WONDERFUL support system. People have been more than generous to us. Everything we needed was provided for us, in ways we could have never imagined. We can never repay all of our friends and family for the things they have done for us.
The emotional part of this journey is of course the hardest. Our little guy must go to visits twice a week for two hours at a time. Because the visits are about an hour away from where we live it takes all afternoon to get him there, wait around, and come home. By the time he gets back he is all out of whack and it makes for an interesting evening. As I predicted visits are my LEAST favorite thing. I hate them with a passion. The first one was of course the worst. Handing over your newborn child to strangers to be taken to more people you do not know. Impossible. While we knew that visits are a part of this process, and we were "prepared" for them, they still suck. The emotional pull in opposite directions is the hardest. Understanding that another woman is in pain because she cannot have her child, and then your heart breaking because you want to fix things, yet never want to let this newborn go and praying every day for an adoption to go through. Talk about a complicated emotional triangle.
The legal process is also mind boggling. We were originally told that we would be receiving baby boy's 15month old sister into our home for immediate adoption. We were very excited about this! How wonderful to have siblings together, to have a boy and a girl, all within a summer. However the Lord's plan is different. We found out about a week ago that the family she is placed with changed their minds and have decided to adopt her. How wonderful for them and for her! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but He is still in control and worthy of praise no matter what.
We received good news that our case would be taken to what is called Legal Screen where they look at changing the child's goal from a "return home"goal which every child in foster care has to an "adoption" goal. Yes, you can imagine our excitement! But as with anything in a court of law, things were not that simple. Some other information came in to light, and has to be researched before any more progress can be made. The states attorney is hopeful that they can "rescreen" in August or September. Until then, we wait. Seems to be the theme of our story. Waiting that is. You would think by now we'd be more patient, ha we aren't.
While we know that the Lord still has control, sometimes it is hard to be where we are. Waiting, not knowing, thinking certain things are going to happen, breaking down when they don't. It's all part of the process, and I know in the end a beautiful and perfect plan will be woven together, and it will all make sense. But right now standing in the middle of the map, with out the rest of the roads being created yet is overwhelming and scary. However looking at the sweet little guy in our house, I know that it will all be worth the crazy fight we are in.
The thing with our journey is that it is so unlike anyone's around us. Many of our friends have children, some have even adopted, but few have adopted from or participated in foster care. Even when you have people around you who have gone this route, you still feel extremely alone. Don't get me wrong, we have had a WONDERFUL support system. People have been more than generous to us. Everything we needed was provided for us, in ways we could have never imagined. We can never repay all of our friends and family for the things they have done for us.
The emotional part of this journey is of course the hardest. Our little guy must go to visits twice a week for two hours at a time. Because the visits are about an hour away from where we live it takes all afternoon to get him there, wait around, and come home. By the time he gets back he is all out of whack and it makes for an interesting evening. As I predicted visits are my LEAST favorite thing. I hate them with a passion. The first one was of course the worst. Handing over your newborn child to strangers to be taken to more people you do not know. Impossible. While we knew that visits are a part of this process, and we were "prepared" for them, they still suck. The emotional pull in opposite directions is the hardest. Understanding that another woman is in pain because she cannot have her child, and then your heart breaking because you want to fix things, yet never want to let this newborn go and praying every day for an adoption to go through. Talk about a complicated emotional triangle.
The legal process is also mind boggling. We were originally told that we would be receiving baby boy's 15month old sister into our home for immediate adoption. We were very excited about this! How wonderful to have siblings together, to have a boy and a girl, all within a summer. However the Lord's plan is different. We found out about a week ago that the family she is placed with changed their minds and have decided to adopt her. How wonderful for them and for her! The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, but He is still in control and worthy of praise no matter what.
We received good news that our case would be taken to what is called Legal Screen where they look at changing the child's goal from a "return home"goal which every child in foster care has to an "adoption" goal. Yes, you can imagine our excitement! But as with anything in a court of law, things were not that simple. Some other information came in to light, and has to be researched before any more progress can be made. The states attorney is hopeful that they can "rescreen" in August or September. Until then, we wait. Seems to be the theme of our story. Waiting that is. You would think by now we'd be more patient, ha we aren't.
While we know that the Lord still has control, sometimes it is hard to be where we are. Waiting, not knowing, thinking certain things are going to happen, breaking down when they don't. It's all part of the process, and I know in the end a beautiful and perfect plan will be woven together, and it will all make sense. But right now standing in the middle of the map, with out the rest of the roads being created yet is overwhelming and scary. However looking at the sweet little guy in our house, I know that it will all be worth the crazy fight we are in.
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